February 10, 2019

Local couple credits Retrouvaille Program with saving their marriage

REGIONAL
By Carolee McGrath

 

EAST LONGMEADOW – For Kathy and Russ Held, life was pretty hectic back in 2005. Their boys were little, ages 2, 5 and 7. From play groups, to sports, to running a household and juggling work, Kathy and Russ passed like ships in the night.

Kathy worked days. Russ worked nights. They said their marriage was becoming more and more like a business partnership. And with the mounting pressure of family life and work, they reached a crisis point, as many couples do.

“It was a hard situation. We were potentially one bad conversation, one bad day, from the other side — which is divorce,” Russ said about his marriage.

Kathy, who grew up Catholic, said she wasn’t sure it was even possible for them to stay together. And then one day after Mass, she came across a brochure for the Retrouvaille Program at St. Michael Parish in East Longmeadow.

“A pastoral minister handed us a brochure. She said, ‘I don’t know much about it, but the couple who I know who went through it, are still together,’” Kathy recalled of the conversation.

Retrouvaille is a Christian-based ministry for married men and women who are on the brink of divorce. Kathy was skeptical but willing to try and pitched the idea to Russ as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.

“We literally got to a crisis point. Both of us went for the sake of our kids,” she said. “We had grown apart. We both questioned, ‘Could we move through these difficult times?’”

Her questions were similar to the countless other couples who have attended a Retrouvaille Program around the world. Catholic in origin, Retrouvaille has three components, including a weekend retreat led by a priest and three couples who have overcome conflict in their own marriage; 12 follow-up sessions; and monthly support meetings called CORE, or Continuing Our Retrouvaille Experience.

St. Joseph is the patron saint of the program.

“It’s kind of humbling,” Kathy said of that first weekend. “You quickly realize there are other couples who have difficulty as well.”

Mass is offered twice on the weekend, as well as the sacrament of reconciliation.

“There is some Scripture brought into it. The point isn’t to make people come back to church, but oftentimes when couples go through hard times, a program like this can cause couples to come back,” Kathy explained.

Kathy and Russ, active members of St. Michael’s, have become the coordinators for the Retrouvaille Program in western Massachusetts and Connecticut.

“It’s incredible to see the Holy Spirit in action and to see couples walk in on Friday night with no hope and leave Sunday with hope and the tools and the willingness to do the work,” she added.

Russ said a major component of the program is helping couples learn to communicate.

“It saved my marriage which, in turn, saved my family,” said Russ, who worried about the impact divorce would have had on his children. He added that the program not only strengthened his faith, but the faith of other couples they’ve worked with throughout the years.

“It’s incredibly rewarding. It has strengthened us,” he said. “When you see couples with divorce papers in the trunk and to see this glimmer of hope … it reinforces how important marriage is.”

The Helds celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary last June. They hope their story will encourage other men and women who are thinking about divorce to consider the Retrouvaille program.

“It’s helped my faith journey and my husband’s. Over the course of the program, couples realize more about the sacrament of marriage and how having God in your marriage is a blessing,” said Kathy.

For more information on the Retrouvaille Program, email Kathy and Russ Held at helds4marriage@gmail.com.

A video version of this story will be featured on an upcoming edition of “Real to Reel,” which airs Saturday evenings at 7 p.m. on WWLP-22NEWS and in the Berkshires Sunday mornings at 5:30 on Albany’s Fox 23, WXXA.